Barry

Local amateur cyclist Gary Punches reportedly plans to erase over 6 months of alarming inactivity with just a single training bike ride this Sunday. In the lead-up to the Barry-Roubaix, Punches, 39, will ride the 36 mile route with friends on Sunday “just to see how the legs feel”.

Punches walked into his local bike shop Friday morning and eye-witnesses confirmed that the man has increased in volume since he last swung a leg over his bike at the Iceman Cometh Challenge in Traverse City. Expert mechanic Dan Curnayn said Punches was “certainly testing himself” by taking on such a tough race with just a single day in the saddle. “I think he’s going out to have fun, or, he must be,” Curnayn commented, busying himself by first cutting off the Iceman Cometh number plate still attached to the 1998 GT Zaskar Punches needed fixed by Sunday’s ride.

“I did this last year and the race went fine,” Punches continued, while the mechanics called in extra hands to remove the completely seized bottom bracket, cut the rusted chain in 3 places to get it off the cassette, and junked much of the bike aside from the frame and wheels. A steadily-growing pile of Kalkaska mud and sand was nearing ankle-level as Punches confirmed that Barry-Roubaix would be “tough” but “it’s got beer there”.

“It’s fine, I know I’m not in the best shape yet, but I’m just going for a workout,” Punches went on, echoing the sentiment of his 3,000 fellow racers.

The Barry-Roubaix leaves Hastings, Michigan on March 28 at 10am.